The Jokes thread
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- korexus
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- Xarfei
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Terrorist Arrested
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school MATH teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. The FBI is charging him with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult" Gonzalez said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "there are 3 sides to every triangle". When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school MATH teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. The FBI is charging him with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult" Gonzalez said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "there are 3 sides to every triangle". When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
- Lardmaster
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Class :)
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit jacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.
This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit jacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.
This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"
Question everything.
- Vortan
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- Lardmaster
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- Vortan
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Q. How many WOKers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. It never gets done. The need for a new lightbulb is posted on the boards and it is discussed endlessly by the light of the monitors.
A. None. It never gets done. The need for a new lightbulb is posted on the boards and it is discussed endlessly by the light of the monitors.
Now WHY did it do THAT!
If at first you don't succeed - give up and have a coffee!
Yes I am on the transplant list for a new sense of humour!
If at first you don't succeed - give up and have a coffee!
Yes I am on the transplant list for a new sense of humour!
- Dragonette
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there are 3 blonde ladies on an island and they come across a lamp. One of them says i sen this in a movie once and says that a blue genie will pop out and grant them 3 wishs.
So they all rub it together and a genie pops out but it says i can only grant you one wish each.
None of them seem to mind . They all decide they want to be cleverer so the first one says
i want to be 25% smarter so she gets turned into a ginger haired lady and swims across the water to get of the island.
The second one says they want to be 50% smarter so they get turned into a brunnetee lady. Bulids a raft and go's across the water.
The third one says i want to be 100% smarter so she gets turned into a man and walks across the bridge.
Dragonette
So they all rub it together and a genie pops out but it says i can only grant you one wish each.
None of them seem to mind . They all decide they want to be cleverer so the first one says
i want to be 25% smarter so she gets turned into a ginger haired lady and swims across the water to get of the island.
The second one says they want to be 50% smarter so they get turned into a brunnetee lady. Bulids a raft and go's across the water.
The third one says i want to be 100% smarter so she gets turned into a man and walks across the bridge.
Dragonette
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